Stan-Harry Potter Style
by Draco Malfoy
Summary: I'm Baaack! This is a little song based on Stan by Eminem. Contains mild violence and constant swearing. Not for the faint hearted.Please review right after you read this, flames are accepted. Give this songfic to friends and the such. ENJOY!


**Stan-Harry Potter Style  
**a/n-this is a basically a spoof on "Stan" by Eminem and Dido. If you do not want to be depressed I would not recommend reading this.  
  
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..  
got out of bed at all  
The morning rain clouds up my window..  
and I can't see at all  
And even if I could it'll all be gray,  
but your picture on my wall  
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,  
it's not so bad..  
  
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..  
got out of bed at all  
The morning rain clouds up my window..  
and I can't see at all  
And even if I could it'll all be gray,  
but your picture on my wall  
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,  
it's not so bad..  
  
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..  
got out of bed at all  
The morning rain clouds up my window..  
and I can't see at all  
And even if I could it'll all be gray,  
but your picture on my wall  
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,  
it's not so bad..  
  
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..  
got out of bed at all  
The morning rain clouds up my window..  
and I can't see at all  
And even if I could it'll all be gray,  
but your picture on my wall  
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,  
it's not so bad..  
  
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..  
got out of bed at all  
The morning rain clouds up my window..  
and I can't see at all  
And even if I could it'll all be gray,  
but your picture on my wall  
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,  
it's not so bad..  
  
[Harry as 'Stan']  
Dear HP, I wrote but you still ain't flying over  
I left my address, my owl, and my portkey at the bottom  
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em  
There probably was a problem with the owl post or somethin  
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em  
but anyways; fuck it, what's been up? Man how's Cho?  
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm bout to be a father  
If I have a son, guess what I'ma call him?  
I'ma name him Dudley  
I read about your Uncle Vernon too I'm sorry  
I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him  
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan  
I even got the underground spells that you did with Ron  
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man  
I like the shit you did with Draco too, that shit was fat  
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,  
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan  
This is Stan  
  
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..  
got out of bed at all  
The morning rain clouds up my window..  
and I can't see at all  
And even if I could it'll all be gray,  
but your picture on my wall  
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,  
it's not so bad..  
  
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..  
got out of bed at all  
The morning rain clouds up my window..  
and I can't see at all  
And even if I could it'll all be gray,  
but your picture on my wall  
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,  
it's not so bad.  
[Harry as 'Stan']  
Dear HP, you still ain't flew or wrote, I hope you have a chance  
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans  
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your classes  
you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew  
That's my little brother man, he's only ten years old  
We waited in the grand hall for you,  
four hours and you just said, "No."  
That's pretty shitty man - you're like his fuckin idol  
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do  
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein lied to  
Remember when we met on the Knight Bus - you said if I'd write you  
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way  
I never knew my father neither;  
he used to always cheat on my mom and beat her  
I can relate to what you're saying in the Prophet  
so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and read it cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed  
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest  
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds  
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me  
See everything you do is real, and I respect you cause you tell it  
My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7  
But she don't know you like I know you HP, no one does  
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin up  
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose  
Sincerely yours, Stan -- P.S.  
We should be together too  
  
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..  
got out of bed at all  
The morning rain clouds up my window..  
and I can't see at all  
And even if I could it'll all be gray,  
but your picture on my wall  
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,  
it's not so bad..  
  
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..  
got out of bed at all  
The morning rain clouds up my window..  
and I can't see at all  
And even if I could it'll all be gray,  
but your picture on my wall  
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,  
it's not so bad..  
  
[HP as 'Stan']  
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Fly-to-Or-Write-My-Fans,  
this'll be the last package I ever send your ass  
It's been six months and still no word - I don't deserve it?  
I know you got my last two letters;  
I wrote the addresses on the owls perfect  
So this is my howler I'm sending you, I hope you hear it  
I'm in the knightbus right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway  
Hey HP, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?  
You know the spell by Voldemort, "Avada Kedavra"  
about that guy who killed that other guy with his wand  
,death eaters do it. How this is, you coulda rescued me from killing  
Now it's too late - I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy  
and all I wanted was a lousy letter or a visit I hope you know I ripped +ALL+ of your pictures off the wall  
I love you HP, we coulda been together, think about it  
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it  
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it  
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me  
See HP; {*screaming*} Shut up bitch! I'm tryin to talk!  
Hey HP, that's my girlfriend screamin in the trunk  
but I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain't like you  
cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too  
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now  
Oh shit, I forgot, how'm I supposed to send this shit out?  
{*bus tires squeal*} {*CRASH*}  
.. {*brief silence*} .. {*LOUD splash*}  
  
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..  
got out of bed at all  
The morning rain clouds up my window..  
and I can't see at all  
And even if I could it'll all be gray,  
but your picture on my wall  
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,  
it's not so bad..  
  
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..  
got out of bed at all  
The morning rain clouds up my window..  
and I can't see at all  
And even if I could it'll all be gray,  
but your picture on my wall  
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,  
it's not so bad..  
  
[Harry Potter]  
Dear Stan, I meant to visit or write you sooner but I just been busy  
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?  
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your son that  
and here's an autograph for your brother,  
I wrote it on a Firebolt   
I'm sorry I didn't see you in the hall, I musta missed you  
Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you  
But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too?  
I do that shit just saving people,  
c'mon - how fucked up is you?  
You got some issues Stan, I think you need some counseling  
to help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some  
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?  
That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other  
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other  
or maybe you just need to treat her better  
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time  
before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin just fine  
if you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but Stan  
why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan  
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit  
I seen this one shit in Witch Weekly  
a couple weeks ago that made me sick  
Some dude was drunk and drove the knight bus over a bridge  
and had his girlfriend in the back, and she was pregnant with his kid  
and in the bus they found a howler, but they didn't say who it was to  
Come to think about, his name was.. it was you  
Damn!  
  
  
  



End file.
